Is It Time to Start Couples Therapy? A Self-Assessment
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples understand and improve their emotional connection. It’s particularly useful when couples are feeling stuck in negative cycles, emotional disconnection, or insecurity. Use this self-assessment to determine whether it might be time to start therapy and address the emotional dynamics in your relationship.
Instructions:
Answer the following questions based on your relationship. For each statement, rate how often it is true for you and your partner on a scale of 1 to 5:
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Self-Assessment Questions:
Emotional Disconnect
Do you and your partner often feel emotionally distant or disconnected from each other?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Unresolved Conflict
Do you and your partner frequently have the same argument without reaching a resolution?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Negative Cycles
Do you and your partner fall into a pattern where one of you withdraws or shuts down, and the other becomes more demanding or upset?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Feelings of Insecurity
Do you often feel insecure in your relationship, worried that your partner doesn’t care about you or that you are not emotionally supported?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Emotional Expression
Do you feel like you can’t openly express your emotions with your partner, or that they don’t respond to your emotional needs?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Physical Intimacy
Is there a noticeable decline in physical intimacy (e.g., affection, sex) that doesn’t seem to be caused by external stressors or events?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Emotional Distance Despite Effort
Do you and your partner try to reconnect emotionally, but no matter how much effort is put in, it feels like the distance remains?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Fear of Abandonment or Rejection
Do you or your partner express fear of being abandoned or rejected, even over small issues or misunderstandings?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Lack of Empathy
Do you feel that either you or your partner struggle to empathize with each other’s emotional experiences or struggles?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Desire to Repair the Relationship
Do you both feel a strong desire to repair the relationship, but struggle with knowing how to make it happen?
1: Never
2: Rarely
3: Sometimes
4: Often
5: Always
Scoring and Interpretation:
Total Score: 40-50
High likelihood that it’s time to start couples therapy. You may be stuck in emotionally distressing patterns, and EFT can help create new ways to communicate and connect.
Total Score: 30-39
It could be helpful to explore therapy, as there are signs of emotional disconnection or negative cycles. EFT can guide both partners in re-establishing trust and emotional intimacy.
Total Score: 20-29
You might benefit from therapy if some issues persist. However, your relationship may not be in immediate distress and could benefit from preventive work.
Total Score: Below 20
While occasional difficulties are normal, your relationship may not require therapy at this point. Continue nurturing your emotional connection and communication.
What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)? EFT is a therapeutic approach designed to help couples break free from negative emotional cycles and reconnect with each other. It focuses on understanding the emotional needs and vulnerabilities that drive conflict and disconnection. Through EFT, couples learn to express their emotions more openly, rebuild trust, and create stronger, more secure emotional bonds.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If your score suggests that it might be time for couples therapy, EFT could be the right fit for you. Contact me today to schedule a consultation and start building a more connected and fulfilling relationship.